Another lost holiday?

December 2017

Another Christmas comes and goes...how did it feel?  What did you do to honor Mags?  How did the family deal with the 2nd Christmas without her?  Well...holidays aren't as bad as all the other days.

Preparing for an event or a holiday is stressful for any person.  Add a tragedy, like the death of a child, can make it even more taxing.  Trying to go on is tough.  Trying to make sure others around you are happy and bright is really tough.  Trying to make sure you aren't that person at the party who ruins everything with sadness is really hard.  "Faking it" becomes second nature.

Learning to live with the silence is maddening.  I know that seems extreme, but it's honest.  Going to work has become easier.  Being at home...tough!  I look forward to the noise;  To tiny voices, to hugs, and yes, chaos! I love it.  I live for it.  Now that I don't have Maggie to care for day in and day out, is a daily struggle.  I think back to people asking me, "How do you do it?" or " You are so patient."  I would think to myself, "Why do people ask me these questions, or sing my praises of patience?".  Taking care of my kids was the best job ever!  Taking care of Mags was my dream job.  I planned on taking an early retirement to take care of her.  I couldn't wait to spend all day with her.  Yes, her medical and cognitive needs were extensive but wow, the love she gave, was more rewarding than any paycheck.

Taking care of Maggie was second nature.  She became a part of me.  I knew her sounds, shuffles, faces, pinches, and kisses. I knew how to get things done and take care of her at the same time.  Now that she is gone, it is hard to focus. It's hard to get anything done.  Now...I just sit... with my puppies or hang out outside with the chickens. I am learning how to live without her.  Learning how to fill my time.  Learning how to get things done without her. 

Scott and I spend a lot more time together now.  I love that. I love him! But...we are sad.  We talk about how sad we are and feel bad that we are sad.  We talk about how we think about our sweet Mags all the time.  It's so difficult trying not to be sad.  Trying not to bring others down.  It takes more effort than you think.  I thank God for him.  I thank God I have him to talk to about this. 

I recently finished Maggie's Memory/shadow Box for Lifeline of Ohio.  When you walk in the door at Lifeline, there are beautiful frames of people who are donors and or recipients.  They are people's stories and families memories.  It was a goal of mine to get Maggie's done while on Winter break. I finished and I think it's perfect!  I tried to include all the things Maggie loved.  She loved swings, music, her dogs, family, faith, the beach, and water.  She loved monkeys, mulch, dirt, and beads! I plan on creating a quilt square that will represent her love of life too.  This will also become part of Lifeline of Ohio's tribute to organ, tissue and eye donors.

Speaking of Lifeline of Ohio, we received a letter from one of the tissue recipients. It was a beautifully written thank you letter from a woman who could not walk and with Maggie's tissue donation, the woman can now live a more normal life.  Wow!  What a gift!  Not only did Maggie give the gift of sight to two people in New Zealand, but now we know she is helping a woman walk!  We are so thankful to have this information.  Because Maggie was a Tissue, Organ and eye donor, she is continuing to spread her love and sunshine to others. She has truly left a legacy.

So, as another new year approaches, we continue to miss our sweet girl.  We continue to celebrate her love of life daily.  We talk about her.  We are building her memorial fund, The Magpie Fund, for siblings who live with brothers and sisters with severe medical issues and special needs.  We...continue...on.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. 
Psalm 121:1-2

The Why? The Call. The Ask. The Answer.

The Why? The Call. The Ask. The Answer.

The Why?

I saw a meme recently that went as follow:

The definition of life

1.       You are born.

2.       What the heck was that?

3.       You die.

I thought it funny at first but then I thought about it and I didn’t find it as funny.  Call me humorless but it made me think, “What are you doing with your life?”  It forces you to answer the great question “Why am I here?”  I am no philosopher, no wise man and definitely no great famous person. I’m just a regular dude.  My take on the question is only my opinion, no one else’s, just mine.  I am here to love.  I am here to look after others…the weak, the strong, the good and the bad.  I am here to serve those who cannot serve themselves.

I am not here to impress others.  I am not here to die with massive wealth or fame.  I am simply here to love others and love God.  Why post something like this?

The Call

If you buy into my answer above I want you to consider doing something.  It is simple.  It is easy but it does require one thing…action.  Act on the need to love others and do something.  Words are just words but actions speak to the world.  Actions provide proof of your conviction to love others.  They define your character.  Love requires action.

So how can you act?  Get involved in helping others.  Give to a charity.  Volunteer your time.  Help those who need help.

The Ask

I believe in transparency.  I am asking you to give.  Give to any charity you believe in but I would ask you to consider the foundation we established as a memorial to our daughter Maggie.  It is called the Magpie Fund.  The fund provides an annual $1,000 scholarship to siblings of those with special needs.  As the fund grows, the purpose will expand to include purchasing equipment for those with special needs who cannot afford it and other assistance to those who care for handicapped individuals.  See the attached link if you would like to donate to the Magpie Fund.

The Answer

What the heck was that?  Hopefully, you will have an answer to that someday.  I pray the answer is “fulfilling.”  A life full of giving and receiving love.  Call me sappy as I get older but I have found that a smile and a hug go a lot farther than a dollar bill in your pocket.  Please consider the Magpie Fund as an option to start that trend.  If you want to give copy the link below into your address bar and ensure you select Magpie Fund – Maggie Grace Lyons Memorial as your designated donor fund (use the drop down menu on the website to denote the proper fund).

Online donations:

https://donatenow.networkforgood.org/fairfieldcountyfoundation

Designation: Magpie Fund- Maggie Grace Lyons’ Memorial

 

Mail donations to:

Fairfield County Foundation •

162 East Main Street, Lancaster, Ohio 43130

MEMO line-Magpie Fund/Maggie Grace Lyons

 

 

Scattered thoughts as The Day comes closer

November 19, 2016...

I sit here debating what to say as the day I fear looms closer.  November 19, 2016.  I seem frozen.  I don’t know how to feel.  I don’t know what to say to people when they ask how I am.  I can only say good, OK or I am managing.  I want to scream.  I want to cry.  I want to get on my knees and beg.  I want...  I want to see her again.  I want to feel her soft hands.  I want to nuzzle in her soft curly head of hair.  I am lost.

I want to give it all to Jesus but something keeps hold me back from letting it rest in His hands...a selfishness.  I keep picturing where I was when I was told to go to the hospital.  I remember the drive to the hospital and thinking why was I not there when she was found at home.  I picture my wife and daughter fighting to get her to breathe.  I remember walking in the emergency room, seeing my baby and falling to my knees.  I relive that pain.  It is always late at night and I wake to those images.  It eats away at me.  I feel helpless, worthless, insecure and less of a man.  A man who swore to protect his family, to look over them and shelter them from harm.  I feel broken.

I look for guidance to carry me through.  I am stumbling and struggling to keep it together.  I pray to God for relief from the pain and grieving I feel.  It comes and goes.  I cry.  I smile.  I remember.

To say I know what God felt when he gave His only Son to save me from my sins, I have a glimpse but it is not comparable.  I did not want her to go.  He willingly gave His Son to save all.  Then I think that His willing sacrifice saved Maggie.  He save Maggie.  Maggie is with God for eternity...for eternity!  My heart grieves but it also sings.  It sings out to her letting her know how much I love her and miss her.  It sings her praises still.  It sings on how she made me a better man...a better dad...a better person.

I can’t help but think of what she is doing now.  What are you doing in heaven my little girl?  What awesome thoughts are running through your head?  Are you singing?  I know you are smiling!  Are you dancing?  Are you pacing the floor?  I know those eyes are bright!  I wish I could glimpse in on you but I have to wait.  I need to bide my time as my work is not done here.  It will be someday and oh what an awesome day that will be when God calls me home.  I know where I will go.  I know who will be waiting for me.  I know the ear to ear grin that will be on my face.  Death has lost its sting.  I will met you again my beautiful child in the loving arms of our Savior.  What a thought.  What peace it brings.  God is good all day every day.

 

counting down,,,

November 2017 

So, I am back to counting...After Mag's first died, I was counting the weeks and months she had been gone.  Now, as we approach the 1 year anniversary or her death, I am counting down to that day again...

I started planning for November 19, about 1 month ago.  I knew that Scott and I couldn't just wake up and go about my day like any other day.  I know we need to get out of here.  Then, I started worrying about Dan and MK.  What would they do and who would they be with that day?

Mk and I were the ones at home when Mag's died.  So I knew I couldn't be without my MK.  She and I need to be together.  I decided to take her to Wicked.  We are traveling to Cleveland to see our favorite musical!  For those who know me, know that I think Wicked is the story of Mags and MK.  Maggie is "Elphaba" because she is the "different one" and MK is "Glinda". Mary Kate was Maggie's voice, just like Glinda is for Elphaba.  It will be a day to make new memories.

Scott is going down to Oxford to spend the day with Dan. They plan on hiking for the day. I hope it is a good day.  I am a little nervous.  I am thankful it is not a workday.

Speaking of work.  I love teaching kindergarten! It's a lot easier going to work every day where there are happy little kids.  Literally, these kiddos are the reason I can get out of bed and function day to day.  There are days I feel so joyful, I look at Mag's picture, that sits behind my desk, and she gives me a little wink.

The Magpie Fund is up and running. We are still working on a location for our kickoff event.  In the meantime, you can donate by following this link https://donatenow.networkforgood.org/fairfieldcountyfoundation?code=website.  We will be hosting a trivia night in January or early February. Stay tuned.  Hope you were able to purchase our first official Magpie Fund t-shirt or sweatshirt. Mk designed the logo and we absolutely LOVE it!

John 23:34 "Love one another, as I have loved you, so you must love one another."

Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Remember to be thankful every day!  Take time to say "Thank You!". Be kind to one another and spread a little sparkle and sunshine wherever you go.

A Birthday Note To My Daughter

A Birthday Note to My Daughter

Seventeen years ago I looked upon your face and was overwhelmed.  Tears on the corners of my eyes, pride in my heart, care in my hands as I lifted you up and brought you home to my chest.  My little girl.  My baby Maggie.

You brought me joy.  You lifted my soul.  You were tough.  The toughest ever.  You were bold.  You were bright.  You were quiet but spoke with your beautiful blue eyes.  Oh those eyes.  They smiled.  They laughed.  They cried.  They knew.  They could pierce your daddy’s heart in an instant.  They brought comfort.  They brought peace.  They brought love.

Oh how I miss you.  Tears stream down my face.  My heart feels broken, life seems wrong, the flow of words just seem to stop.  Then I think of God and His promise.  I think of His love.  I think of the love He has for you.  I truly believe you are with Him.  Deep in His eternal embrace.  The care is now in His hands.  The loving embrace has brought you home next to His chest.

This past week has been hard and I can only imagine this week will be even harder.  I went hiking last week to clear my mind, think deeply about you and pray to God.  I know God heard my prayers.  He heard all I had to say.  He heard every word.  In the quiet, I heard His response.  He showed me the misty morning sun.  He showed me waterfalls and running water.  He showed me sunbeams of light peeking through the tree tops.  He showed me deep forest trees and falling leaves.  I could not help but think how beautiful this place is He has given us.  Then I remember where you are.  If there is such beauty here…imagine the beauty you see with God.

Yes, I still feel pain in my heart but it is a reminder of the love I shared with you.  I will still share that love with you as I pray every day.  My heart may be broken but it still loves.  I thank God every day and will continue to thank Him for blessing me with you.  I have no other words but thanks.  Thank you for being my daughter.  Thank you for being my baby girl.  Thank you for being my hero.  Thank you for being my Magpie.

up coming days...

September 2017

The future is uncertain...no one can really tell you how we are going to feel or proceed with life.  This is true for everyone.
Getting ready to celebrate a birthday is normally an exciting time, but what if that person isn't on Earth any longer? Do you still celebrate their life?  Do people still put it on their calendar?  What if we still celebrate?  Birthday cake? Singing? Gifts?  But...Gifts for others.  Gifts that celebrate life.  Singing to bring love, sunshine and happiness to another person that is still here on Earth.  Eating cake, just to eat cake, or maybe smashing that cake because that's what they would have done.

Mag's would have been 17 on September 25th.  Dan, Kate, Scott and I are quietly preparing for this day.  It is unspoken. We don't know what to expect.  For me, I don't know if I should try to go to work.  Should I try to ignore the feelings of sorrow by busying myself with work? Should I stay home and wait...wait for what?  Wait for the day to pass?  Wait for someone to remember that my child, who is no longer on Earth, is having a birthday.  Hide.  Should I hide?  I don't think so.  I think I should remind people that it's Maggie's birthday and we had 16 wonderful years with her.  We should eat cake!  We should even have a cake fight!  We should buy gifts, that she would have loved, and give them to kiddos in the hospital to make them smile.  We should sing because Maggie absolutely loved singing!  She loved cake!  She loved having people around celebrating!

But... right now, I dread the upcoming day.  I am sad.  I am a little mad.  I want to be selfish.  I want people to still buy gifts so we can give them away to others in Maggie's honor and memory.   Maggie still matters!  She will always matter.

I know the world moves on.  People are busy, People go on vacation and may forget to think of Maggie on her birthday.  It hurts my heart because Maggie will always be celebrated in my life. She still matters to all of us. I will continue to buy things that I know would have brought her joy, but I will give them away.  Hoping to bring joy and a little happiness their way like it would have brought her.

One of our goals after Mag's passed away was to find a way to celebrate her memory. Dan and Kate have endured a large amount of sacrifice while growing up with Maggie.  They were and are amazing siblings. It wasn't easy, but they handled their circumstances with grace. Scott and I decided to launch The Magpie Fund with the Fairfield County Foundation. Below explains layout of the fund and how the money will be spent.

"Background and Purpose of the Memorial fund:
Maggie was the youngest of 3 kids. When she was 14 months old she started having seizures and
severe medical issues which took everyone by surprise. There was no family history of epilepsy. Needless to say, this greatly altered the typical family living we enjoyed. It took over 10 years to get answers about Maggie’s medical and learning disabilities. When Maggie was 10, she was diagnosed with Lennox Gastaut Syndrome. Prior to that, she was diagnosed with Autism, Gastro problems, and severe learning disabilities. In addition, Maggie was non-verbal so life was frustrating at times.
Trying to recognize what Maggie needed was challenging and her siblings tried to help figure out what was needed to comfort Maggie. She was in and out of the hospital for weeks at a time and her brother and sister missed out on a lot of typical kid activities. Their lives were different than their friends. They spent an inordinate amount of time in hospitals, sleeping on a pull out beds and eating from cafeterias even on the weekend. They loved their sister dearly and Maggie loved her brother and sister. It was a complete and unconditional love.
Living with Maggie as their sibling opened their eyes to selfless caregiving at an earlier age than most. As most adult’s eyes are opened when they are required to care for their parents, they experienced this as small children with their sister. This gave them a different perspective on life, individuals with special needs and gave them each a desire to take care of those who can’t care for themselves. They grew up learning to accept others who were different. Maggie helped them understand the importance of loving all people. She helped them recognize everyone has value. They included kids no one wanted to play with or others made fun of. They volunteered their free time during school to help in the special needs classrooms because they knew how to be a true friend. They developed lasting relationships and came to understand the deeper meaning of loving and caring for others.
Maggie passed away in November 2016. Her death was completely unexpected. It was devastating. In our devastation, we knew our mission had not ended with Maggie’s death. We must continue helping others. We struggled with how to do this as a portion of our lives were completely dedicated to loving and caring for Maggie. The way we knew how to deal with our grief was and is to spread love and sunshine on others. We want to specifically focus on siblings who have brothers and sisters with special needs and/or have severe medical issues. We know it can be expensive raising a child with special needs and often the siblings lose out on the extras, such as camps, vacations, extracurricular classes, and activities.
Losing Maggie has been extremely difficult but in that loss, we need to remember the impact those children have left on others. It is important we don’t forget their siblings. The sacrifices they made to improve the quality of life for their sister. They are suffering deeply too. They are trying to be strong and support us as parents, continue on with school, their lives and figure out who they are without Maggie. "

Scholarship: $1000
     Write a 500-word essay outlining what it is like living with a sibling with special needs or has severe medical issues. How does your life differ from peers that do not have siblings with special needs/severe medical issues? What could this scholarship help you do something that could help you?

Criteria::
Anyone in Fairfield county of any age (up to 21)
When can you apply:
By April 1st of each year (1-time payout)
What can the scholarship pay for:
College, camps, classes (i.e art, music, etc.) 

Donations can be made directly to https://donatenow.networkforgood.org/fairfieldcountyfoundation-Maggie Lyons

Starting this memorial fund means a lot to Scott and I.  We will never stop celebrating her life and we will probably continue to ask all of you to help us continue this celebration of life.    Let's pull together to celebrate the siblings because sometimes they can be overshadowed.

In addition, I am starting a Facebook Event page, with the intention of getting the word out about the Magpie Fund and helping others come together to spread love and sunshine to others.

 I am going to do everything in my power to make other peoples' days brighter. I will be collecting monkeys to take to the hospital at Christmas time and again in the Spring.  I will be collecting most needed items for Nationwide Children's Hospital.

Eat cake just to eat cake!  Sing loud!  Hug!  Hug!  Hug! Love one another instead of complaining about each other.  Spread a little glitter to add sparkle to someone's day.