February 15, 2023
Interesting question. It took me 6 years but I have finally found and joined a grief group. Yep! I don't really believe it either, but I did it! I have been searching for the "right" fit but never really took the plunge to join a group. My church is now hosting a group and I was so excited and very nervous. This is what I have been waiting for. A place that I love, where we brought Maggie, and a safe place for me to finally share a part of my grief.
First of all, I don't like to show any type of vulnerability. I actually despise it! Smiling through the pain or adding humor to lighten things up is my way of coping and dealing with anything uncomfortable. I know it's probably not healthy but it's me.
After the initial shock of the horrible loss of our youngest, Maggie, I pushed through the pain and searched for ways to carry on. I have learned that I am good at hiding in my job. I don't think this is a bad thing. I think it is how I put my "Maggie" energy into something positive. Teaching. I also learned to volunteer in the areas where I could give back to places that helped me in my journey of being the special needs mom to Maggie. I can vocalize what I need now. I know how to say, "no". I can also say, "I need..."
As I am learning, this is all a part of grief. I am not healed but I am healing. God is my center and all is possible because of Him.
"Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." James 4:8
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