Support...continued...

June 2017

So many people have come into our lives that are truly unbelievably supportive. From the very beginning, my mom has been the one who came with me to all of Mag's doctor appointments, IEP meetings, etc.  She was there to speak for me when I couldn't. She researched medications, treatments, and even diagnosis.  Mom was the one who brought the Lennox Gastaut Syndrome to the table when the doctors kept saying "we just don't know..." Mag's team agreed to test for LGS and it came to be that Maggie indeed had LGS.

My mom drove up to Cleveland and slept in a teeny tiny hospital room with me while Mags was in for pneumonia. I drove to Cincinnati for the third opinion.  At each place, both of us hoped to keep fighting for the best life Maggie could live. Hospital visits continued, and on that final trip to Children's, she was there with me holding my sweet Maggie's hand, all the while singing to her, even though she had gone to heaven.  I think a little part of both of us died that day with her.

I remember sitting in one of Maggie's first IEP meetings and crying because I was so mad.  I didn't understand what they were talking about but my mom was able to keep it together and talk for me. She knew exactly what I needed to say and what questions I had.  It has been a long road and she still stands by me.  I think she is sad now because her support for me and Mags has changed.

Mom was there to help me choose an urn for Mags.  She still had questions about Mag's autopsy that I didn't necessarily want details about. I still need her.  I need her to be there when I can't keep my frustration in.  Mom and I have to stick together and still give each other support.  We have to make sure we both come out of our hiding places to continuing to live our life the way Mags would have wanted us too. I need her to sit with me on our swing... Just like the 3 of us did so many times before.  I need her to continue to sing the little made up songs she sang to Maggie.  I still need her to come with me when I am uncomfortable to go places by myself. My mom is my person!  She is part of me that keeps me whole and functioning. I get my "spice" from her. She is the reason I press on to help people that may not be able to help themselves.

My mom is my best friend.  She is still my mom, but she is even more now.  She is my warrior.  We will forge on and listen to what God has planned for us next.  It will be hard, but together we can do it.
Thanks mom for always being my person, my voice when I couldn't speak, and the person I most want to swing with and sing silly made-up songs.